Gawker's Delay

My husband and I lived in Minneapolis/St. Paul when we were first married. We used to listen to the traffic report on the radio as we drove the I-94 stretch from St. Paul to Mpls. each morning. The radio announcer would constantly refer to the "gawker's delay" taking place at the scene of some accident most every morning. Traffic media gurus love to express their disgust with the phenomenon of the gawker's delay that inevitably takes place whenever there is a traffic accident or the like. Some call it "rubbernecking". It seems to irritate so many people.

This morning as I was driving my two oldest girls to school I came upon a single car accident on one of our residential streets that was being attended by a police car. As I drove past I slowed down and looked to see if there were any injuries. The policeman looked directly at me and rolled his eyes in that, "move along...there's nothing to see here," type of manner. Old emotions came flooding to the forefront of my mind and I rejoiced inwardly at the possibility of finally being able to express my feelings about rubbernecking to the world at large! You see, my husband and I were living in Mpls./St. Paul during the mid 90's. There were no blogs in those days. There was no world wide web waiting to read my petty musings. Ah.....but now!

Here is my question for all of the traffic gurus and all of the great citizens of the world who scoff and mock at the phenomenon of the gawker's delay. What kind of person would I truly be if I could approach a car accident and simply pass right on by without even pausing for a glance? How coldhearted and egocentric! Flashing lights and mangled metal envoke feelings of concern and strong emotion, and rightly they should! They remind us all of our frail humanity. They prove to us that we are not immortal.

I pause out of concern and compassion. I will not stop pausing nor will I cease to shed a tear if I feel like it. I am not a country bumpkin nor am I a sub-standard, uneducated human being simply because I am a gawker.

Good Luck, God...

Good luck, that is, ever getting through to my selfish heart. I just thought about the fact that I really don't like to be told what to do, and I also don't like to be told what not to do. I'm sure this goes straight back to my pride. But where did this start? How did I develop such an ugly behavior pattern? I can't control myself when Gordon tells me what to do. I just can't submit my will to that of another. If I can't even submit my will to Gordon's, how could I expect that I could submit my will to Yours.



Don't tell me what to do with my time! Don't tell me what not to eat! Don't tell me when not to eat! Don't ask me to give an account of what I'm doing with my time! Don't tell me what time to get out of bed!



This is impossible. Though, apparently nothing is impossible with You. You'll have to prove it to me. I'm stubborn. I am prideful. I don't like to be bossed around. HELP!!!! I'm just realizing these things, and I hope that you will grant me Mercy and Patience as I figure out what to do with my ugly heart.

Validation

Now that we've covered pride, let's move on to a topic that eludes me. Validation. I'm convinced that our culture is in pursuit of validation to the point of desperation. Isn't that the very thing that drives us all to blog? But how is blogging any different than writing a book such as an autobiography? Is it really any different? Any author who puts pen to the paper is earnestly hoping that someone will validate him by buying his book, or borrowing it from a friend, or checking it out from the library. Every author is seeking some sort of validation. How are blogs any different?


I am still irritated by blogs, and here I am working on one of my own. I am irritated by the thought that we are becoming a society that increasingly grasps blindly into cyberspace to find a listening ear for the burdens we carry. We shout out into the darkness, "I had a bad day today!! Listen to me!! I made dinner, but my husband came home late and the food was cold! Listen to me! I'm angry at my wife! My husband lost his job! I'm a better mother than my next door neighbor! I can speak four different languages! I've suffered more pain than most everyone else on the planet! Validate me! Validate me! Validate me!"



Friends, these things ought not be so. We should be reaching out to one another in brotherly love. We should be bearing one another's burdens.

Diagnosis: PRIDE

I'm sick. I just recently found out for certain. I've been suspecting it for quite some time. If you read my post from 7/16/2006 you'll see that I was suffering from the symptoms even back then. I knew I was sick, but I wasn't ready to accept my diagnosis. Now I am.


I spend quite a bit of time at work reading through people's medical records. Anyone who visits the hospital will get some sort of report in their file that's dictated by the doctor who saw them. Many of the dictations include the doctor's impression of the situation, and they also include lists of the symptoms. Ultimately, once the patient has left the hospital or expired, the doctor declares his final diagnosis. That is what I'm working on in my life. The final diagnosis for this particular stage in my life is PRIDE. I've evaluated my own symptoms, and I've consulted with the experts. It's official. I am full of pride, and it's not pretty.

I dove into a wonderful study last year entitled, "Seeking Him". It's a twelve week study for people seeking to revive their spiritual lives. That was the first time that I came across a list of my symptoms. It was a shock and a rude awakening. It cut me to the core. Among my most prominent symptoms were the following:

a focus on the failures of others
a critical, fault-finding spirit
looking down on others with a self-righteous attitude
have to prove I am right
feel confident in how much I know
quick to blame others
defensive when criticized
overly concerned with what others think and work to protect my own reputation
compare myself to others and feel worthy of honor

When I read the list of symptoms today, I am honestly driven to tears and I wonder how I will ever recover. I read a book about the life of Mother Theresa of Calcutta. It was called, "Come Be My Light". People who described Mother Theresa said that she was truly a person who had little or no thought of herself. That's true humility. Most of my thoughts are of myself and how I measure up to others.

I can't stand it when people tell me something that I already know. That's the essence of pride. I feel the need to stand up for myself. I feel like people need to acknowledge my life experiences and validate my knowledge in every area of my life. It's not that I correct every person who does this to me. There are some people, however, that I do correct right on the spot and it's so mean. It's so prideful.

God knows my life experiences and my knowledge. Compared to His vast wisdom, I am a big zero. The ONLY entity to whom I should ever compare myself is God Almighty. If this was my only focus, I would realize how utterly low and inadequate I truly am. This is where I should spend my mental efforts; in praising and glorifying the one who really has knowledge and experience.

If a patient's illness has not been fatal, many times the patient is transferred to a rehabilitation program. The doctor usually gives a prediction of how long that patient will need to recover. He also gives his prediction of what type of a recovery he thinks the patient is capable of. For some, they may be able to regain some independence but never walk again. Others may make a full recovery. I don't know how long I'll be in rehab for this pride of mine. Pray for me. With God's help, I plan to make a full recovery!

It's all in the attitude...

I've learned over time as a parent that it's very easy to forgive your children if they apologize with the right attitude. You can hear it in their tone of voice. It's really the attitude of the heart that sets the tone for a relationship. Isn't the same true of our relationship with God? Sometimes we apologize to Him simply because we know we've been caught, but we feel no remorse in our heart at the time. We're not sad that we've offended Him, we are just resentful of the fact that we've been "busted".

Manners

"Manners make other people feel comfortable around you." This phrase has embeded itself in my mind. I heard it on an episode of Wife Swap. It is the truest and most consice statement I've ever heard about manners. Manners really are a beautiful part of our society. Good manners allow us to make other people feel at ease and comfortable in our presence. It might appear that making other people feel good is a selfLESS act, but it turns out that making other people feel good can be rewarding to both the mannerly person and those around her. The world will become an increasingly more pleasant place to live as people learn to implement good manners in their daily lives.

Using good manners with the intent of making other people feel comfortable seems like an altruistic act. It seems that you would be putting forth a lot of effort to benefit the interests of others. For example, let's imagine that you are calling a friend on the phone. You can safely assume that your friend has caller ID on her phone because most people do have caller ID. She most likely can already see that the incoming call on her phone is from your residence. But a mannerly person knows that it is very uncomfortable answer the telephone and not know for sure to whom you are speaking on the other line. For that reason, a mannerly person would always be careful to state, "hello "friend", this is "Matilda" calling..." Even if you assume that the person on the other line knows you very well; even if the person on the other line is your Father, or your sister, it will still make that person feel very at ease to know that you are the person calling. A mannerly person is always thinking about other people and how her actions will impact other people.

You may be inclined to object to this pattern of thinking. You may protest internally and feel yourself asking, "why do I have to be the nice one?" The best reason to be the "nice one" is for the fact that when you project good manners to the world around you, you will be seen as a more desireable person. You will begin to hear people comment, "that Matilda is always so nice to everyone!" In reality, you don't always have to be nice to everyone, but your reputation will likely improve as you implement good manners in your daily life.

Imagine that you are standing in line at Goodrich Dairy preparing to order ice cream for your husband and 3 children who are at home waiting. You have your cell phone in hand with your husband on the line. You want to make sure that you bring home the right ice cream. The ice cream attendant asks for your order. It would be most convenient for you to keep your husband on the line as you order your ice cream. But, it is very probable that it may also become very frustrating to the ice cream attendant as she listens to you on the phone, "what? chocolate? two chocolates?......two chocolates....one single, one double...... what? both double? ..........both double, no........no........one single one double............ what?" For certain, the attendant will be confused. You must try to imagine the situation from her perspective. She only hears your voice talking. She will surely find herself wondering all the while wether you are speaking to her or to your husband on the cell phone. If you implement good manners and perhaps figure out your entire order and end your phone call before approaching the counter to order, you will be able to have a natural, one on one conversation with the person at the counter. She will feel at ease serving you.

When you begin to think of the same scenario and how it can, in turn, benefit yourself, you will be surprised at the unlimited possibilities. If the ordering process only involves you and the ice cream attendant, the possibility of error is greatly decreased. You can clearly state your order. She can clearly understand you. You know what you want, and she knows what you want. You will be much more likely to get the correct order. Your life will be more pleasant. The people at this ice cream shop will be happy to see you next time. You will be more likely to return to them the next time you need ice cream. Everyone is happy.

Think of others. Make them feel comfortable around you, and the world will be a more pleasant place to live.

My Daughter

I have four children. I have three girls ages four, eight and ten. I also have a five month old son. My oldest daughter wrote a brief paragraph for a writing contest. I really liked it. I decided to post it here. The thing I like best about it is that it is so optomistic. The assignment for the contest was to imagine that you had a new student in your class from another country, and describe to the new student what it is like to live in the United States. Here is what my daughter wrote. She had no help from us at all, so it is authentic fourth grade perspective.

Have you ever had a new kid in your class? If I did, I would tell her that we have FREEDOM in America. We have freedom of speech and worship. America has a lot of good political candidates. I would mention that we have the right to vote in privacy if someone is over the age of eighteen. The U.S.A. has free, clean and safe schools. When you are in school you may have a free breakfast or pay for a good lunch. Teachers can be very nice and fair to all the kids. The currency of the United States is interesting. Some of the best presidents and important people appear on the dollar bills and coins. But most important I would tell her we don't always have to work because we want to do many other things such as play games. We play games like soccer, football, baseball, and volleyball. We are an AWESOME country!



Everything seems so positive and upbeat in her little world. I remember a time when my life was much more like that.